Wolves Moustache XI

The joy of success and the misery of defeat isn’t just consigned to a football pitch during the month of November.

For those who don’t know, November is commonly known as Movember to some, as part of a huge charity fundraiser to generate as much cash as possible for worthy prostate cancer causes.

All you’ve got to do is grow a moustache to show your support, which is a straightforward task in principle, but infinitely more difficult in reality when the pressure is on!

My effort is typical of a Wolves fan of 1988 – 2013:

Unpredictable!

So in homage to all things ‘Mo’ during this topical time, I have devised my ultimate moustachioed Wolves XI from 1988 – 2013, with a little help from my twitter friends @Bulk0006, @sweeneybull, @RickyWatkins2, @robwatton83, @jonnydewolf, @oldgoldglory, @johnwoodward and even our current fitness coach and former player, @tonydaley7!

*NOTE: The inclusions are not based on footballing ability alone, but more the impression that each Mo left on me as a supporter. The more infectious / memorable the tash, the more chance it stood. Criteria to adhere to: i) Fully fledged beards don’t count; ii) No pencil moustaches allowed – way too ambiguous.

1. Mark Kendall: Kendall’s moustache was like Mark Kendall himself…Bristling, full of character and lovably infectious. Mark Kendall without a Mo would have been like the night sky without the moon.

 

 

 

 

2. Brian Roberts: At the age of 50 when he signed, Harry Roberts resembled a Dad’s Army character with his Clive Dunn tash. If memory serves, he was equally hilarious to watch, if not slightly less mobile.

 

 

 

 

3. Andy Thompson: If Thommo’s tash could talk, it could regale me with some of the happiest memories from my entire life. It was a constant source of comfort. A distinctive sight of pure reliability.

 

 

 

 

4. Darren Potter: For Scouse scally and sheer audacity, Potter’s name was first on this teamsheet. Just like Potter himself, his growth was delicate, soft and barely noticeable to the naked eye.

 

 

 

 

5. Floyd Streete: If it’s true that a dog’s appearance resembles that of its owners, then what of Floyd Streete’s meaty beast beneath his nose? A girthy, porn star piece of architecture that commanded fear and respect in equal measure.

 

 

 

 

6. Ally Robertson: Want to know the secret to a division 3 promotion Mr Jackett? Get the back four to grow thoroughly commendable moustaches. Skipper Ally and Gary Bellamy (along with Thommo and Bruno) completed a positively bristling rear guard. Ally’s ‘Major’ growth demanded respect, even if his defending sometimes didn’t. (I won’t mention Tony Agana Ally. I promise!)

 

 

 

7. Tony Daley: By God, if this was a real team, then you could cut through this midfield with more speed than a Gillette Fusion on Steve Weaver’s under-18s. ‘Dales’ gets in because he clarified (on twitter) that he did indeed cultivate a tash, which actually had a leg-press machine named after it in the treatment room. Understandably, some fans might have missed it.

 

 

 

8. Nigel Vaughan: Looking back, it is becoming abundantly clear that Graham Turner was blinded by the fuzz, basing his scouting strategy on it. How else do you explain the keeper, the entire back four, this wispy Welshman and Jackie bloody Gallagher?! Nigel’s Mo was distinctly ‘English teacher.’ A good, honest English teacher.

 

 

 

9. Ade Akinbiyi: Akinbiye’s tash was the very antithesis of Akinbiye: Refined, polished and bordering on the subtle. This elegant effort belonged to another player, judging by the uncontrollable bone-head behind it. However, Akinbiyi was most definitely lovable, as was his ‘undercover-brother’ creation.

 

 

 

10. Don Goodman: This was a well groomed, slimline effort that owed much to careful preparation. Known in Movember circles as an ‘Abra-Kadabra’. Speaking of which, does anyone remember Don’s magical ‘leg-cocking’ trick that he’d try on defenders, which failed to bamboozle a single one. An unknown fact: Don’s goal at Elland Road wouldn’t have occurred if he was clean shaven. Don’t ask why, but it definitely wouldn’t.

 

 

11. Jackie bloody Gallagher: Sod it, he’s in. I can’t leave him out with all his hairy cohorts in. He was a cross between Ian Marshall and Hacksaw Jim Duggan and looked as menacing as either. A chap at the Eastern Daily Press sportsdesk told me a couple of years ago that he was the most emphatic non-league striker ever. So the South Bank was right: He was worth a million pounds! I hereby christen his tash the ‘Jihad-Jackie.’

 

 

Subs: Mo Camara, Sami Al-Jaber, Derek Mountfield, Paul Edwards, John Paskin, Darren Simkin, Gary Bellamy, Tony Lange, Mike Small, Paul Jones.

 

 

 

 

If anyone would like to donate to my very own Mo for Movember, please visit http://uk.movember.com/mospace/9164513

Thanks!