After a week of Wolves making the headlines for their so-called physical approach, Martin reflects on the changing attitude towards the game.
Those who read my first Wolves blog will know I’m not in the first flush of youth. In fact, I’m getting on a bit. OK, I’m bleedin’ ancient. I’m so old, when I started playing, they were still using the W formation (any youngsters should ask their granddads), studs were hammered in with nails (honest) and balls were made of uncoated leather with a thick lace to hold them together. This meant that on a wet day the ball weighed about a stone and a half and players (especially centre halves and centre forwards ) were sometimes seen tottering around the pitch, in varying degrees of consciousness, with impressions of the lace imprinted on their forehead.
Well, this set me to wondering. You see, I used to head the ball a lot myself and I’m wondering if this explains why my memory seems to be getting progressively worse. I mean, I used to know all the rules of football without a thought, but when I watch games now, I realise I don’t know them at all. Here are a few examples:-
Obstruction
I used to think you obstructed another player by deliberately stepping into his line of play anywhere on the pitch. Now I realise that this general rule does not apply, if the ball is rolling towards the goal line. In this circumstance, a defender may jump in front of the attacker from any position. He is then allowed, by using the combined method of standing arms akimbo and sticking his arse out like a ruptured duck, to escort the ball carefully towards the line. This operation can be fairly lengthy and is, of course, fully in accordance with FIFA’s vision for a fast and flowing game. When the ball does finally cross the line, the referee, in full agreement with his assistant, shall award a goal kick as no obstruction has occurred. On the other hand, if such conduct occurs in general play, it will be deemed as flagrant obstruction and a free kick awarded.
Use of hands
I used to think that if you were an outfield player, your hands could be used for three things:
• both hands to take a throw in
• one or two hands to plead for a pass
• one hand to raise triumphantly à la Denis Law when you’ve just scored a sensational goal (i.e. bounced in off your arse when you were looking at something else).
Whereas, now, I realise hands can be used for a whole host of things, such as:
• Pushing away another player who is trying to make a legitimate tackle. This is known as ‘using your strength’.
• Grabbing an opponent’s shirt to prevent him from making a dangerous run or from performing a piece of exquisite skill to entertain the crowd. This, of course, is fully in accordance with FIFA’s vision for a fast and flowing game. In fairness, referees do occasionally penalise this but not always because, you know, the players do it so cleverly and they’ve been getting away with it for so long and they all do it these days anyway, don’t they?
• Holding a player at a corner who might otherwise score a goal and unnecessarily excite and entertain the crowd, which is fully in accordance with FIFA’s etc. (In Champions League matches, bigger, richer clubs such as Inter Milan, who can afford to send players on sumo and Cumbrian wrestling classes, may also utilise the bear hug). Obviously, the referee can’t penalise such behaviour because, well, that would be a penalty and you can’t give a penalty for every corner, because the scores would get silly and it would be against FIFA’s vision for etc. etc. I mean, they’ve been getting away with it for so long and they all do it anyway, don’t they?
There is, however, one player who needs to think twice about using his hands and this, of course, is the goalkeeper. Any keeper who attempts to dive on the ball and accidentally catches the player shall, of course, be penalised and a penalty awarded. The goalkeeper shall, of course, also be sent to the stands. Once the penalty has been converted, the match becomes a completely one- sided, meaningless bore (this, of course, is fully in line with FIFA’s etc.) and spectators might just as well have stayed down the pub and spent the huge cost of the entrance fee on getting pleasantly rat-arsed. But, of course, these rather draconian measures only apply to misdemeanours inside the box. If goalies will insist on standing, well, um, in front of their goal, it serves them right, dunnit?
And it’s not just the rules I’ve forgotten, it’s the words as well. There’s a whole language called ‘AndyGrayish’ which I have no memory of at all. I really need to learn it, though, if I want to carry on discussing Wolves intelligently. And I’ve made a start. I know the erstwhile mentioned ‘using your strength’ (pushing away someone who is trying to make a fair tackle). Oh, and I particularly like the one for deliberately falling over if you have lost control of the ball, or you think you might get a penalty – ‘going to ground’. Silly me, I thought we called that cheating.
OK, you’ve guessed it; I haven’t really forgotten the rules. It just drives me crazy the players don’t have to play to them anymore. You can’t blame FIFA though, can you? They’re doing their best to advance good sporting behaviour. I mean, whatever sneaky, devious, cheating methods players are allowed to get away with during the game, they’d bloomin’ well better make sure they shake hands before it.
I know what you youngsters are thinking; this old git’s living in the past. Football’s a much better standard these days and cloggers like Chopper Harris and Norman ‘bite yer legs’ Hunter (who?) can’t get away with it anymore. And you’re absolutely right. Good riddance to those players who took pride in trying to cripple the opposition. But it’s a great sadness to me that, after largely ridding our beautiful game of this thuggery, FIFA have allowed endemic cheating to replace it. Holding, shirt pulling, diving, feigning injury, time-wasting, abusing the referee, trying to get players sent off – the list is endless. And there is absolutely no need for it. FIFA could eradicate it by upholding the rules, by giving penalties for holding in the area, by consistently booking and sending off players who deliberately pull opponents back. By giving long bans to players who feign injury when video evidence proves they haven’t been touched. They would soon stop if they were losing an advantage, not gaining one.
The real sadness to me, though, is that if you don’t cheat in football these days, you’re never going to win anything. There is no coincidence in the fact that the higher the league the more cheating you see. You only have to watch Champions league matches. Wonderful skill but appalling deceit. And who were the biggest cheats last year? Well, the winners of course, Inter Milan.
Football is still a wonderful game but don’t you think it could be so much better if the game was more honest? As it stands, though, our beloved Wolves are going to have to learn all the tricks PDQ if they want to survive and progress at this level. One little example; there was some discussion on this blog recently, about why Jarvis didn’t get a penalty against Newcastle. I’ll tell you why. Because he got straight up again. Next time, Jarvo, do the right thing, cheat. Stay down and writhe in agony like the top players would. Probable result: penalty and two more vital points. Oh and if you do it really well you might even get the bugger sent off.
Perfect!
you didn’t mention throw ins. when a team wins a throw in they are now allowed to stroll half the length of the pitch before throwing the ball back into play, whereas i’m pretty sure they should be throwing it in from the same place the ball left the pitch.
That’s a complete joke isn’t it?
I just love it how when Delap gets the ball in his hands, he walks diagonally to the hoardings, wipes the ball and runs diagonally back towards the touchline, gaining about ten yards before he’s even thrown the ball.
Gets right on my tits, but to be fair, every team does it.
Great post Martin.
Picking up on your final point, what I do find quite funny is that in the last two games, where Wolves have been painted as thugs, we’ve actually been on the receiving end of two despicable decisions that would have altered the course of both matches.
Regardless of what anyone says, that was a stick-on penalty we were turned down against Newcastle. Nobody and I mean nobody, can argue with that (although Kowloon had a bloody good go).
Then against Fulham, Kevin Doyle was tripped by Pantsil and for me, denied a clear goal scoring opportunity. Giving the free-kick was the correct decision but the card should have been red. If he isn’t tripped, Kevin Doyle runs through and gets a clear shot on goal.
So for all our supposed bullying, I’d argue it’s us who’ve been on the wrong end of the major decisions in the last two fixtures.
Another point:
Lee Cattermole has been sent off twice this season already and received a total of 43 bookings and 4 red cards in his career.
In the final game of last season, Sunderland had two men sent off against Wolves.
Despite these two facts, it never crossed my mind to go around labeling Sunderland a dirty side, or Cattermole a thug for that matter.
He’s a defensive player who makes tackles. Sometimes they’re bound to be mistimed or look worse than they are.
So to all Fulham fans berating Henry for Saturday, just get over it.
Move on.
devils advocate alert!
Fulham had 2 pretty good penalty shouts too.
Doyle was offside when Pantsil fouled him.
in the words of E&S, I’m not saying they’re true, just that they’re out there.
Looks like Stearman is going to get the nod to replace Berra on Saturday. Lets hope he makes a big impact and retains his place – I have missed seeing him in the first team!
Mancienne also in contention. Wouldn’t surprise me to see him pushed into the back four, with Jones coming in to midfield.
Stearman does deserve a crack, although with our reputation under scrutiny, he’s probably our dirtiest most cynical player in terms of fouls, shirt-pulling etc.
What the hell am I talking about!?!?!
They’ve got to me too!
Stearman is the right one in my book. Mancienne can be a little positionally naive, while Stearman must have played at centre half twice as many times as him.
Given what happened last time Stears fell foul of a ref (he lost his place and hasn’t had a look in since) I reckon you’ll count the number of cards he picks up on the fingers of one foot.
Personally, i can’t see Stearman thrown straight back into the mixer at White Hart lane after the best part of a year out. For the most part of the game, we’re going to be bombarded (although at least they haven’t got Defoe)
I reckon it’ll be Mancienne. More experienced at this level and usually a cool head
My view on Stearrman is he’s a much better footballer than Berra or Craddock but at centre back you’ ve got to win the high balls and put yourself about a bit and for me he doesn’t offer that. I think a top manager would find a place for all his most skillful players and i’d play him either at fullback or as ‘libero’ in front of the back four.
Stearman is atrocious at centre half, and Mancienne a liability. We either have to play the bloke we paid good money for (Moyoukoulo) or give young Batth a chance… for all we know… the latter could be a saviour.But, using the usual play someone out of position Malarkey, I can see Elokobi playing there…or Clive… how about Wardy there..he’s on of our best performers so far this year 🙂
Mancienne is too small for a centre half in this league IMO – I can just see the ball being centred by Lennon with Crouch and him in the middle!!!! Although Lennon’s cross usually ends up at the feet of the first defender!
Not sure he is strong enough either – just remember last season against Man City when Adebayor just muscled him out of the way.
As for Elokobi – please god no! I’d rather have the pope, he’s german he lives in italy, surely he can defend!
I would go for Mouokolo, especially if he had a decent game in the reserve match against Liverpool? As Thomas says, Stearman often gets a rush of blood to the head and does something silly, while Mancienne is too slight for a central defender.
Yeah, I’d like to see Mouyokolo given a shot.
We paid a fair chunk of change for this guy, so if he’s not going to get his shot now, then when will he?
To be honest, whoever plays, I can see Berra going straight back in after his ban.
I’ve heard Mouyokolo isn’t match fit? not even in contention?
Back in your day did they have the ‘if it’s on the halfway line it’s a foul but not if it’s in the penalty area’ foul. Drives me mad when people say that, if it’s a foul it’s a foul no matter where you are on the pitch.
Completely agree with what you say about using video evidence to proove if someone has cheated (dived or faked injury) and dishing out a lengthy ban if found guilty. I’ve been saying that for ages and it would be so easy to do. The manager would soon stop it happening if there was a chance of their top players being banned for a few weeks.
I think you’ve got to blame the refs because they’re the ones letting them get away with it every week, it’s only natural that players are going to keep pushing their luck to see what they can get away with.
I’ve been saying that for years too! A video panel of players, refs, someone from the fa, whoever, sit and review every tackle of every game and hand out bans for the worst fakers. Would stamp it out over night
They do this in Australia, players from 2 clubs got 2 week bans for diving 2 weeks ago.
Hi Nick. I think refs have always thought twice about giving a free kick in the box because a penalty usually results in a goal not just an advantage. Maybe the rules need amending so you don’t necessarily get a penalty for any foul up to 18 yards out
Personally, i don’t blame the refs for letting the players get away with it. They just follow orders or they’re out. The Brazilian, Joao Havilenge took over the presidency of FIFA in 1984 and that’s when the interpretation of the rules started favouring South American and latin countrires generally.That meant free kicks for hard tackles and turning a blind eye to shirt pulling, obstruction etc. This change was accelerated whilst English teams were banned from European competition following the Heysel disaster in the early 1990’s. It took us several years to learn the new rules before we could start winning again. Now we can cheat almost as well as they can.
,
I always get my decades mixed up, i meant early 1980’s not 90’s.Heysel was in May 1985 just after Havilenge took over.
Excellent blog, thanks. I won’t go back to the Jarvis vs. Newcastle incident again (which I saw as yet more evidence of the very ‘going to ground’ malaise you are writing about, I’m afraid), but let me just say that I completely agree with every single word you said up to the last paragraph.
Well done. Please write more!
Ah, thanks mate, glad you liked it.
I would play Dannt Batth on Saturday… a fully fit youngster is surely a better bet than a half fit Moyokooulo?
I saw Batth play for the development squad against Newport County pre season. He looked solid enough but as for chucking him straight into a premiership game, for me he’s a way off that yet. The one i liked the look of was Malone, very skillful and quick. Lots of potential.
What about van Damme … or is he only half-fit too? I also think that Batth shouldn’t be thrown on this Saturday. My main thought, however, is over the choice of the driver of the bus we parked in front of the goal last year. Because we seem to have learnt the knack of getting a goal in front this year, only to give away the advantage, the vehicle would be an even greater asset for us this time round.
Well yes, seeing as he admitted as much, he is only half to 3/4 fit
What’s the point in having all these academy graduates who everyones says are stars of the future if they never get chance to prove it
I expect us to lose a close game again on Saturday whomever plays, so give the kid a chance