When my Dad told me that there’s nothing like watching a game of football live, I thought he was some sort of twisted sadist, being as we’re both Wolves fans.
It turns out that he is, but it’s only now that I understand what he was on about.
It’s not the footballing fare that is so incomparable to the living room alternative, but the peripheral sounds and sights that live in the memory far longer than most of the games out on the pitch.
This blog will look at some of the more infectious whoops and wails from fellow fans, which are still guaranteed to bring a smile to my face – years after each pent-up supporter decided to let loose.
1. ‘Change gear Bellamy!’ This forthright demand was in response to our lovable defender’s attempts to keep up with an opposition striker, as he struggled in a home game back in 1989. It amused Dad enormously, because the metaphorical turn of phrase was so unintentionally appropriate. The whole stand laughed.
2. ‘I dunno know what yer’ laffing at Mo – it ai’ f**king funny!’ This one punctuated a collective intake in breath in the Billy Wright Stand when Mo Camara gave away a needless free kick on the edge of the box in injury time, like only Mo could (we were hanging on). As he hacked down their striker for no apparent reason, he turned to face the forward – and our stand – with a whopping great grin on his face. The native behind me was not amused.
3. ‘Nayla! You should have been ‘draerned at berth!’ This one tickled me, purely because it was so excessive – yet perversely understandable at the time. Lee Naylor had just done his customary trick of completely missing a 6,000 square yard target (I.E. the entire pitch) by slicing the ball out of play at 100mph, while attempting a first time pass. It must have been the straw that broke the camel’s back because old age pensioner Terry in front of me, like a lost African lion in captivity, roared that Lee Naylor should have been drowned at the point of birth.
4. Constant referral to Shaun Newton as ‘Isaac’ by the bloke in front. Believing he was a thinking man’s fan, the old boy in ‘row P’ would cajole, encourage and most usually berate our mercurial winger when calling him Isaac. Only one person thought this was funny…Namely Tony himself, who assumed comic like proportions during his half time beer break.
5. Constant referral to Stephen Hunt as ‘Isaac’ by the bloke in front. By the time we were fighting a double relegation, Tony had reverted back to type. He also came up with the one or two other infectious nicknames for other ex-players, with the following four highlights:
· Kennedy = Sarah
· Ganea = Gonorrhoea
· Seol Ki Hyeon = Arse
· Okoronkwo = Orinoco Flow (opted against Isaac this time)
That completes my (not so) humorous anecdotes from yesteryear, which at least tickled me when the games in question weren’t.
Any more for any more?!
You still can’t beat that guy in the south bank who would tag on to the end of ohooooo you fat ******* – “and your fing ugly” to every goal kick! He never gave up in the 10 years I had a season ticket for it to become the norm…sadly for him it never really took off.
I have long thought that the ‘you fat bastard’ scream originated from Steve Cherry, a rotund keeper for Notts County many moons ago, before being applied to keepers of any size. Not sure if I am right though?!
Good read Ben !
I have my own nicknames for Wolves players over the years, here are a few
Lee Naylor – Known in my house as ‘Hovis’ because he ‘sliced’ so many passes
Shaun Newton – Known as ‘the shite’ because, well he was just shite
Roger Johnson – Known as ‘bambi’ because that was what he looked like when trying to clear or control the ball
John Richards – Simply known as ‘the king’
Don Goodman – Known as ‘donkey Don’ because he put so much work into his game
🙂
I am a big fan of Hovis Sevlow! He was SO infuriating at times wasn’t he, Naylor? It would be those long overlapping runs and a ball played into his stride he him to whip in first time. We all knew what would come next…Goal kick.
(and ball sent high into the stand behind whichever goal he was attacking)
My dad always said he had never seen a player miss such a huge great target with such alarming frequency (the entire football pitch!)
Yes, me too, he was very entertaining ! I did, however, on one occasion actually see him send in a cross that landed on someone’s noggin !
BEST ONE I HEARD WAS REFAFU**INGREE !!
Wonder who will receive the honour of being the next Isaac then… 🙂
No-one Hamster…To my eternal disappointment, Tony no longer has a season ticket, thus rendering 20 odd years of memories as…er…memories! 🙁
Anyone remember the old soak on the south bank …. I think his name was Stan . He used to have two cards in his pocket , if there was a bad tackle or anything really , people used to shout ” what is it Stan .?” He would be that pissed that he would start to fumble in his top pocket while quite a lot of people would go wwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooo and he d eventually pull a bit of old card from his pocket and hold it up . The crowd would shout .. He s booked im . Stan s booked him . Funny people up the mol eh .?
I think the two funniest things I’ve heard were both unintentionally funny and both during last season. Towards the end of the Solbakken days I sat in the North Bank to watch us play Charlton, and as we had about three games in a row we conceded in the second half a drew. On the way out one fan shouted angrily, “THEY AY GOT THE FITNESS, DAYLEY ‘AS TO GEW!”
Similar situation but later when we still couldn’t buy a win under Saunders I can;t remember who we lost to but one bloke in Billy Wright shouted, “THEY AY GOT ANY CONFIDUNCE, THEY NEED A SPORTS PSYCHOLOWWWWWGIST!”
Once a bloke in the Billy Wright was rather happy when Mick decided to bring on Jarvis. Every time Jarvo would make a run to our end of the pitch he would shout ‘come on Jarvo come and kiss me, kiss me Jarvo!’
Anytime anyone ever tried to pronounce Olofinjana when berating him.
Cheers Ben . I’m not fit to comment on this .
Best post for a long time – just shows how how much our mood has changed though !!!
It has made me smile more than i think my ‘wolves’ face can take .
How about J’o’H being the prodigal son ? … I’m ducking now …
Love you all UTW
Ha , sorry , On reading my post back I feared I’d spelt prodigal wrong .
I then checked the Oxford book thing …it really means ..; repentant wastrel , or , better still ,
returned wanderer !!
I’d like a bonus prediction league point for this please Thomas …
My dad found it hilarious to constantly point out that Peszko had a Kajagoogoo haircut. It was funny the first time…
Back in the dark ages, we had Kenning, son of “Piggy” Wharton
Then there was Phyliss Parkes, also known as Dracula coz he was scared of crosses.
The ITV commentator with the big appendages on his arms, Hugh Johns, re christened Mike Bailey Skipper, as he never referred to him as Bailey or Mike, always Skippermikebailey.
Then there was the time the floodlights failed and someone yelled out “Bad play stopped light”
And there was always someone near me in the north Bank, who would shout out “Who’s in front?” after I had compared one of the dirty opposition players to a certain part of female anatomy.
Happy days!
Close London Wolves Loyal, i think you mean “Book ’em Brian”.
Was a long time ago . I think it was only £1 . 60 to get in , I remember that
3/6d for my 1960 Cup Final ticket.
In my days of going to the match there were many unitentionally hilarious things, Adi Akinbye Knocking out a Notts forest player (I think) and picking him up off the floor to convince the ref he hadnt touched him.
But for me it still tickles me was when (cant remeber the actuall game or year) we were doing quite bad in the then first division before it became the championship anyway we were having an awfull run, we were crying out for investment in players and im sure we were told that there was no money available but the Wolves PR machine decided to hand every fan a bible thick catalouge of wolves merchandise for them to spend hard earned cash on.
Anyway I was in the south bank at the time and the game kicked off, we were absoloute shite and after 10 mins something came hurling over my head from the back of the stand, It was a catalougue!!! all of a sudden every one else decided to throw theirs, it was like the pitch was being dive bombed by a thousands of Kamikaze crows I also remeber there being that many coming over head my brother commented that it was like some at the back had boxes of em cos they just kept coming….
A demonstartion not to every ones taste but funny to me
Oh and the best song ever ” Peter Reeds got a fucking monkeys head” all together now!!!
Sorry Peter Reid not Reed
Rice Squares… Those breakfasty snacks in shiny blue packet… They were handing them out before the game – May have been against Norwich when we thrashed them and the Goodyear Airship came over Molly….. Anyway just as Profesorborne experienced… I looked up to see a sea of blue above my head as thousands of these were thrown into the (then J.Ireland Stand) for our visitors to take home as thank you for turning up.
In the days when I sat in the old North Bank there was a chap by me who had taken a dislike to Neil Emblen (which to be honest was entirely reasonable – I could never work out who was the worst out of Emblen, Atkins & Sedgley – three “utility players” who were equally poor whatever position they played in…)
Anyway one match Emblen lost possession and the opposition player was running away with the ball and this chap shouted out ” Get after him Emblen, I’ve seen plants move faster than you”.
I think this was the same chap who shouted after a rather tame Don Goodman shot “For fucks sake Goodman I hit my missus harder than that”. (Amusing but for the record I in no way condone hitting women)
UTW
Woah!! What’s with the Emblen berating?!! I always really liked Neil Emblen. Particularly second time around.
I had a tour of the Mol as we were planning wedding reception there. Went into the boot too where the Mrs (ex) kissed Emblens boot as she had a bit of a thing for him…(well she liked his legs). Next game his boot flew off and he continued his run booting the ball with a fair bit of power. Glad nothing else come off when she kissed it!
I think mine has to go to the woman who sat a few rows behind us whose favourite player, for the whole time he was with us, was Ade Akinbiyi. She was always cheering him on, however she never got the hang of his name and shouted “Come on Ake” every game he played for us.
Although not to forget the two guys a few years back who, when Derby played us at home, didn’t watch the match but spent the whole game making sheep noises at the Derby fans.
I used to know a bloke called Johnny Ford on the South Bank, who used to wear a long army trench coat, and at half time, he’d whip out fish and chips and scoff them.
Turns out, he knocked off work in Cannock at 1.30, get his chips, then get the ground. (You know, when all Saturday matches kicked off at 3.00)
Everyone around him used to say “How can yow eat cold chips”, to which his reply would be:
“Well if they was warm yow lot you’d pinch ’em”!!!!!!!
Best one i ever heard was in the south bank when Keogh had made a great run only to miss a sitter and the bloke behind me said, with no humor in his voice whatsoever, “he’s a good lad Keogh, but he’s never a striker so long as he’s got an hole up his arse”
I laughed for days after thinking of that.
My dad also tells a good one about when he was stood behind two African chaps who knew Olifinjana. He scored twice in the game and the one bloke said to the other “He has prayed and the lord has rewarded him” to which my dad replied “well if he scores again i’ll f*cking go to church with him”