What many Wolves fans might lack in tales of sordid, sexy football right now, they more than make up for in crackpot superstition.
Maybe the football has driven us to such levels of eccentricity, but when it comes to our pre-match rituals, a pair of lucky pants doesn’t tell half the story, does it?
If I hold my thumb at 85° we should get a cleansheet
My twitches and tics verge on Tourette proportions during games, while our esteemed Wolves Blog founder Thomas has one step in the lunatic asylum already, judging by his antics while watching the QPR game on Saturday!
I have both superstitions and twitches and I cling to each and every one of them as if they really make a difference to the outcome on the pitch.
They are devised to bring about luck while preventing any kisses of death and I can track them back to 1988 and a bloke called Dean Edwards.
As we tore up division 3 like a tank driving Mr T on Snickers, lowly division 4 fodder Torquay United shuffled into Molineux for the Sherpa Van Trophy area final second leg, days after Bully inspired us to a 2-1 win at their place.
We were holders, champions elect and Dad was plotting the Ford Sierra’s route to Wembley like Wincey Willis on a Treasure Hunt.
We should have known what happened next…
…Torquay United won 2-0 at Molineux to scupper his best laid plan, with the goals coming from an ex-player by the name of Dean Edwards, who was born in Wolverhampton!
It is this very twist of fate like that prompted my mental wheel of irrationality to make its first inexorable turn. It has barely stopped turning since.
Such were my levels of superstition and downright paranoia that I once thought my life was being played out in a Molineux Trueman Show.
With the umpteenth team coasting to victory on our home patch, the away fans piped up with a painfully familiar rendition of ‘wanky Wanderers.’
‘My three-a-day habit is not only being laughed at, but the lads are losing as a result of it,’ I thought.
I stopped wanking immediately thereafter, in a selfless act that actually coincided with an upturn in the team’s fortunes.
I stayed off the ham shanks for a good two weeks until we lost again and realised I may as well enjoy myself away from the ground, with a lack of any satisfaction in it.
When we are actually winning, I’ll go to all sorts of levels to maintain the dynamic.
As I sidestepped down to my seat in an FA Cup match of early 2000s, George Ndah sidestepped past an entire Leicester City defence from the halfway line.
As the ball hit the net, my foot flicked an empty balti pie dish, which span like a foily wheel of fortune.
I spent the next 90 odd minutes on all fours, trying to repeat the flick as the piece of litter lay crumpled four seats away.
‘SIT DOWN’ bellowed the natives, as I got in the way of a bloody good thrashing.
A thrashing it was though, and my hideous action was clearly justified.
And then there are radio twitches, which take footballing ritual to a whole new paradigm.
If the opposition’s goal threat coincides with me standing up, I sit back down in the exact position I began. (And vice-versa)
If we score while I hold my mug of tea, Wolves’ cup has clearly runneth over, meaning that it stays locked in my hand for the rest of the game.
Most people would brandish such behaviour as downright insane, but logical thinking doesn’t always come easy to the average football fanatic, let alone a Wolves one.
When I was living away from Wolverhampton, I could drive one of two ways to get to my parents house on a matchday.
One route took me past Molineux, the other didn’t.
I always chose the Molineux route but after a run of defeats I went the other way and we scrounged a win. Needless to say I continued the detour until our next loss.
I didn’t have to wait very long.
True story.
We had a much better ritual.
Big Mark, Pat Banks, Ada, your Dad and I used to get as many pints and packets of scratchings down us as we could before the game in the Tiger.
The old juke box in the corner, and a beat up pool table.
It meant a half time trip to the two traps which passed as the executive bog at the back of the North Bank, but well worth it.
If I drank as much now before a game I would need geriatric nappies!!!
Big mark still wears his Wolves underpants to the match…………….hope they are not the same ones!!
FOMM
you forgot to mention Ward or McCarthy… you’re losing your touch Clive!
That was really the good old days….Ward wasn’t born, and McCarthy was an irrelevance, pretty much like today!!!
I refuse to text or answer texts during the game for fear of upsetting our rhythm… if we go behind I text like mad to achieve the exact opposite… Powerful things, texts!
Rhythm.. Wolves… don’t be silly
I spent the week before the QPR game convinced we would lose, and sat in the home end telling my mate about how woeful we were. This pessimism continued until the final whistle, with me telling him “any minute now you’ll equalise”.
I also have a ticket for the a****n game, and so have tried to keep as pessimistic as possible all week. Needless to say should we somehow manage to avoid defeat I will be starting a petition on here for you lot to buy me tickets for the rest of the season!
My predictions on here are also often informed by superstition, I started the season predicting wins, and it was working, then when we started losing I continued to predict wins to try and turn our fortunes. This comes back to the original point about being pessimistic, I will keep going with that for a while now.
My Aunty Val and I used to have to run up the steps to take our seats in the Billy Wright family enclosure. This sometimes meant waiting for the steps to clear so we could have a clean run. When they changed their ticket to the top half of the North Bank, I tried running up all the steps once or twice, Aunty Val didn’t, and I now no longer bother with it either (I think I might die if I try and run up more than 3 steps at a time!)
I also used to shout “AWAY” every time a corner came into our box, until one time a sweet header landed in the back of our net, and I don’t do that one anymore either…
Having said all that, I’m rational enough to know that none of my actions have ANY bearing whatsoever on the outcome of the game, but when you care so much about something you are so powerless to affect, it is quite natural we should seek ways to influence the outcome, no matter how ridiculous they are…
Yeah, I find a strong does of pessimism can work nicely.
I was the same on Saturday, screaming at the tv ‘here it comes’ everytime Taraabt had the ball at his feet.
Similar to shouting ‘away’ from corners, my dad always used to scream ‘Yes’ right before one of our players was about to shoot. We never seemed to score when he did it, so I berated him, but now I oddly find myself doing the exact same thing.
Must be genetic.
These days when a corner comes in I hide my eyes behind my hands and whisper “no no no no no no no no no no” to myself until it’s safe to look again….
That’s pretty much what I do for 90 minutes.
…I blag the reports.
Although i was a season ticket holder for many years changed circumstances now sees me following Wolves partly through a media cocktail of television,radio and internet.Over the last couple of years i have noticed if i deny myself the radio commentary for a short while Wolves fortunes immediatly seem to improve while the longer i listen things just go from bad to worse.
I haven’t tuned in for radio commentary in years (thanks to the web) but I used to find the exact opposite to be true – we’d do ok when I listened but things would go rapidly down hill the moment I left the room.
Maybe cosmic forces are at work here and somehow you and I perfectly counter-balance the fortunes of our beloved club.
Cosmic forces indeed! Must be ‘cos when I listen to (usually) WM bad things happen if I move from my sofa.
Naturally, its all my fault so I stay put. No putting the kettle on or answering the phone or anything. Not something conducive to the rigours of an enlarged prostate but We Are Wolves so pain goes with the territory!
The match day ritual. Always get there early- stand and remember all the good times-until I start thinking of the bad times-the games when it couldn’t get any worse and then does.
Then there’s the games against the shits-a 4-2 win at the dark side-Hughie Curran. Waggy going in goal when Elvis Parkes was sent off for chinning Astle at Molineaux. The Doog and Bully and Keanes first appearance getting two goals. coming home as a kid and sitting on my bed in silence when they lost-there are still silences now!
Always haunted by the memories as I drive from Norwich- when the signs say Wolverhampton anxiety takes over radio off. When will it end…..
What a night that 3-3 against the shit was Alf! 53,000 and the cigarette smoke pluming through the floodlights………
Peter Knowles, Burnside!
Scooped-Remember Waggy putting on Elvis’ goalie shirt in front of the South Bank-I was in The Cowshed the arms came down to his legs.
Floodlights and Wolves its like nothing else.
I have no rituals as such only wishes for the last three years,that is FOMM.
When we are one goal up in a tight game, when the opposition have a free kick or corner I will often imagine the goal is an impenetrable gold (orange) forcefield that can’t be broken. I have to maintain focus to retain the forcefield’s power obviously. This is also combined with the common no no no no no chant.
I remember that 3 – 3 game. Several hundred of us chased a lone baggie fan across the Civic parking lot, and a copper on dog patrol lost his bottle, released his dog, and thereby saved the baggie fan’s life.
The dog, having hundreds of Wolves fans and one shit fan to chose from, was obviously born and bred in “Hampton, coz he immediatley grabbed the baggie fan and drug him to the ground.
We, baying for blood and death of all things tesco, having been thoroughly robbed of a priceless victory, surrounded said dog and shit fan. Our bloodlust abated, and we all stood around laffin’ our socks off at the hapless shit fan, being chewed on by the most vicious dog in the world.
Come to think of it, maybe the dog was a shit fan, coz he certainly saved a life that night, we were gonna kill the bastard!!!
Oh happy days!!
And talking of happy days, Capello resigns on a point of principle, one supposes.
That’s how to do it McCarthy, let’s see your points of principle now.
If it’s good enough for the England manager to resign because of meddlement from above, surely Morgan sticking his nose in the dressing room last week should be good enough for you to resign.
I’ll pay for the taxi back to Barnsley, as long as you take clipbored with you ( spelling mistake on a porpoise!!)
FOMMATC
Well said about Capello, you stole my thunder, MM is a brown nose with no principles, any other manager would have walked.
Back when I was a kid, me and my dad used to tap the foot of the Stan Cullis statue on our way round to what was then John Ireland stand before every game for good luck. Good memories
thomas , i live in holland and use internet streams to follow me babbies, but ,if we get relegated there is very limited championship coverage on wiziwig and vipbox .cant stomach talksport and teletext any more !!any ideas apart from dont get relegated ??? cheers, steve .
No way of watching the games apart from the televised matches I’m afraid. My housemate is a Middlesborough fan and has had this problem all year. Only a few championship games get the coverage. Just has to wait for the ones that do.
Just pray we stay up!
Barmy.
I find getting behind our team vocally when I’m at the Mol is what makes the difference.
Getting behind our manager can be even more effective – how about some of you on here trying that and see if it works!
UMM
I would love to get behind him, but as the old adage goes, you earn respect, you don’t demand it.
Just coz he is manager does not give him a right to bollocks up team selection, tactics and generally put our premiership place in jeopardy.
Nothing I would like more than to sing his praises at the end of the season, after a stunning run of 14 unbeaten matches.
But, you puts yerself on the pedestal, and you gotta be prepared to take the shit when you don’t perform as expected.
FOMM
I think you will find most of us were behind mccarthy in the seminal part of his contract, mind-boggling transfers, mindless team sheets and outright mad substitutions, coupled with his arrogance and audacity to have a go at the Wolves faithful who will be here long after he’s gone… have turned the overwhelming majority against him. he brought this on himself and the only way forward is for him to go./
Get behind the team, I think we all will/do – but get behind that fucking mororn? no thanks.
FUCK OFF MCCARTHY
Get behind the manager on the blog like this after the QPR game,
The Wanderer says:
February 5, 2012 at 7:59 PM The Wanderer(Quote)
‘One swallow doesn’t make a summer and this win makes no difference.
Shocking team choice, Johnson out, Stearman out, Foley to RB, Hammill on R Wing, inept first 45 minutes with no cutting edge.
Enjoy the moment – that’s all it is – normal service awaits next week. 0-2 by half-time – if a bookie somewhere will take this bet let me know – easiest money I’ll make this month’
Make your mind up mate. Or are there two of you?
Getting a bit twitchy about the weekend still think we are probably into the endgame for Mccarthy – 2 years of below par scouting,coaching,fitness,tactics – i am not necessarily anti Mccarthy and hope i am proved wrong but thats where we are now (seem to have gone off subject apologies).
All I do is say ‘bet they score now’ even when we have a corner. I’m a nervous wreck.
I’d say that’s the sign of a true fan. If you can sit back in your chair when we’re clinging on, there’s something wrong.
All you soup er stishush lot should start rubbing yer rabbits feet, coz it now appears Kightly is out for this weekend.
How many games has he been back?
Should change his name to Frimpong.
Why do we get so many “injuries”?
Could it be, as asked before, that our training team haven’t got a fuckin’ clue???
FOMM
If we get the predicted snow we might go 2 up top – Health and Safety.
I always wear a Wolves sportswear item to work after a win….strangely, everyone keeps asking how do I manage to keep them so splendidly new looking!
Hey Clive.
The boxers I still wear on all matchdays whether i`m attending or not are from the club shop, I imagine the ones I wore in my youth are about useful as MM`s team selection and tactics.
I have a choice of white or brown depending on the opposition, and if its a game i`m going to.
Its a silly habit which my darling wife puts up with, except after a heavy defeat she insists I put the said garment into the washing machine myself.
Oh for a winning team, would save a fortune on washing powder.