You know it’s squeaky bum time when the daffodils are out and the crocuses are lighting up the ring road.
Spring has sprung, and so has my arsehole as the advent of this hope-laden period signals the real beginning of the football season.
Mick: Was under pressure last season
Most pundits say the league table doesn’t take shape until you’re 6 games in. Not according to my old man, who would give me a slap if he caught me playing with my Score League Ladders before March.
So now the lambs are skipping about, it’s safe to have a look. We’re 16th with 8 games left.
And with that in mind, it will be time for me to ramp up my perennial OCDs with immediate effect in an attempt to keep us in the league.
As our Championship winning campaign began to waver around February, my foibles became more prolific than SEB, as a load of inexplicable rituals came to the fore, two examples of many are below.
· As I shuffled along row Q to get to my seat against Watford, I accidentally kicked an empty balti pie dish with my left foot. Fearing that my bi-rhythms had been affected, I had to ferret on the floor for the piece of crumpled foil, just so I could kick it with the exact amount of force with my right foot, to even out any imbalance.
The impromptu pie dish hunt generated as much noise as I’ve ever heard in the Billy Wright Stand, as half of WV6 screamed ‘SIT DOWN YOU IDIOT.’ We won 3-1 so it was worth it.
· And then there was our 1-0 win at Sheffield Wednesday, when SEB scored after 5 minutes. For the remaining 85 minutes I sat crouched on my living room chair, clenching the radio aerial exactly as I first held it, for the remainder of the game.
One slip, one movement away from my near fetal position and we would have conceded. Fact. Despite my living room being 80 miles from Hillsbrough, and not entering the field of play at any point. Again, we won, so I felt I earned the beers that evening.
But just as I thought I could consign such stupidity to the dustbin this season, back came the behavior when we were hanging on for dear life at Turf Moor the other week.
As I paced the living room listening to WM (digital set, by now), Burnley’s attacks got more and more relentless. They’d have scored for sure if I had sat back down, or changed one single dynamic of my living room set-up.
It was at that point that my old University friend (who was visiting for the first time in years) decided to stand up alongside me in an attempt to share my burden.
The carpet barely found the balls of his feet before I threw him back onto the sofa with such force that his wife asked me what my problem was.
“I’ll tell you what my problem is. Robbie Blake hit the post at the precise moment that Chris stood up. He should know better.”
Don’t think we’ll be seeing them for a while. But as for my inexplicable OCDs…I think I’ll be seeing a lot more of them between now and May 9th. I apologise in advance!
As I sit in my office with my Wolves socks pulled up and folded over at the top, I look forward to tonights game my OCD friend…. One Point = Happiness. Three Points = Sock sandwich for breakfast.
Lovely stuff! Glad I’m not alone!
I once did the radio trick away at Sunderland, only to hear us concede in the 6th minute of injury time. The radio smashed into a million pieces as I hurled it against my wall. I was incensed that I’d given myself a bladder and back problem by curling over the wireless for 90mins, for what?! Proof that it doesn’t always work! As for tonight – 2-0 win I am going for. Imagine our happiness?!
You can be safe in the knowledge that I’m no where near a radio broadcasting a game, I’m certainly not wearing that bloody Wolves shirt that has been so unlucky, I’ve left my beloved yet unlucky scarf at home, and I’m not wearing my tie at work. I’ve done my bit so it won’t be my fault if it goes tits up. Oh shit, now I’m thinking about it I’m sure I was wearing a tie last time we won – oh me oh my!
I’m eaxactly the same. I actually said to my son, its your fault now if we get relegated for opening the patio door which he knows must not be open when I am watching Wolves either on a dodgy web link, soccer saturday or live sky game, the precise moment that Bolton scored against us before half time. Sorry Dad he said i thought you said it was half time. ‘Not yet, you stupid boy’ i responded and felt guilty all day but still spent the whole of half time ensuring he understood my reasoning,
Great post Ben.
I’m aware this wasn’t exactly a preview to tonight’s game, but I didn’t have time to put one together, so this post serves as a one for all.
Just to keep my records for the season going, I predict the same team and a final score of 1-1.
Under the floodlights at Upton Park, this should be a cracker. I just hope we can continue the good form.
Come on you Wolves.
i cant wear either of my wolves tops now *even one signed by bully* as i swear they do more harm than good.
I haven’t got sky on my tv just on my phone *iphone rocks* so i’ll be watching my tiny screen with headphones in shouting at it whilst my gf thinks im crazy. 2-1 to wolves with a last gasp effort to win it!
Doyle to get a goal as well. he needs one for all his effort!
How do you get sky on your iphone?
I got bought a pair of walking socks for christmas (random present off an aunt, i’m not a keen hiker or anything) and after wearing them to the tottenham and burnley games they’ve now become my lucky socks, atleast until next saturday that is. I think they only work when i’m watching the game live though.
A good sign for tonight is that i didn’t watch the game on saturday (too hungover to leave my sofa) and i can’t watch it tonight so hopefully we’ll have the same success. If we do however, it means i can’t watch a game on the telly until we lose.
My boss is in Missouri, I’m in Texas, and the game is being shown live at the civilized time of 3.00pm, so I get to goof off soon, miss the traffic, kick the dogs out, put up my feet, open a can of Boddingtons, (the nearest import to Bankss) and watch live.
I don’t do anything silly like have rituals, I just SWEAR MY FUCKIN’ HEAD OFF at any slight rules transgressions from the ref or the opposition, and that includes scoring against us, which is definitely against the rules.
Ben, get a life, it’s only a game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Us to win, by scoring more than them!!
FOWB
I remember my grandad used to have a lucky scarf, and we always seemed to win when he wore it. In which case why didn’t he wear it every week?
As for tonight, can you imagine what a win would do for us? A bloody seven point gap, that’s what? I’m thinking 1 each though
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
Jones MOTM by far for me. Didn’t think it would go our way when Foley hit the bar but best performance of season
The sound bost on my tv, so I had to watch our best performance of the season in a eafening silence.
Comments.
Brilliant, fucking brilliant performance.
Hammers should have had 2 sent off for really bad tackles from behind.
We should have had a penalty.
We hit the bar, they hit the post, so honours even there.
It was an utter thrashing, we were so much on top.
No criticisms of anyone, and Hahnemann played the game of his life.
“Oh what fun it is to see The Wanderers win away”
Can we now play Everton away, please, and put them in claret and blue???
FOWB
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.
Doyle, Jarvis and Zubar, 3 of my favourite players scoring.
Dave Jones MOM by a mile for me, he bossed the game.
SO SO SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tbh credit to every player. They worked their socks off and hahnemann was furious at giving away that goal near the end after a couple of outstanding saves. So happy for Doyle to get a goal as well.
Nick – download sky tv mobile player. It costs £6 a month though. Fortunately I got 3 months free with a o2 deal. Best free thing I’ve downloaded for my phone!
Just wow – that table looks pretty sweet right now!
I’m having to restrain from jigging around my living room right now! Dboy – the table looks beautiful.
I think it was said at the beginning of the season we need a point a game on average to survive. So far so good!
match report should be up shortly! Best win ever?! Well, best one I can remember!!
Brilliant win…… Can’t turn SS News off !!!!!
3 Cracking Goals….. Lets hear from you if you were there !!!!!
What A Team. Every player was magnificent but Jones was even better than that. Amazing. The penalty that never was has to be the worst, most cowardly decision of the season. Thank God it didn’t matter in the end.
Fantastic performance and result. You’re right Ben, away Premier League thrashing against one of the sides down with us, has to be the best win of my time.
3 absoloute peaches! 2 more wins needed! I was praying for Mick to take off Doyle when they starteed kicking him to save him for Saturday. Gonna get the season review if not just for that game!
With the poor standard of the League this year, four more points will be enough, there ain’t a cat in hell’s chanc eof Burnely of Hull winning 4 of their reamining fixtures