The last seven days as a Wolves fan has unearthed a personal problem that I’ve spent a good 20 odd years trying to deal with – my propensity for pissing my pants.
After the dust had settled on our gut wrenching loss at Blues, it was the turn of my bladder to start wrenching, as the golden stuff swamped my cotton slips.
Kevin Phillips piles on the misery
The deluge was such that had I aimed it at my wife, I could have made a fortune with Ron Jeremy as I appealed to a niche market. Either that or a trip to Boots for some Tena Lady.
In short, I have always have been a pant wetter. And like a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I confess to my ailment and hope it will sort itself out.
Trouble is, I genuinely don’t think it will as I think Wolves are knackered.
Kevin Phillips’ late St Andrews show felt more than a defeat. It felt like one of those seminal, irreversible moments that will continue to heap hurt on the players long into the summer, despite their protestations to differ.
Go on lads, forget about it and concentrate on the next game. Seriously boys, wipe it from your minds and look ahead…
…Yeah, good luck with that one, because I find it easier chewing on a lightbulb than forgetting about Sunday.
I just can’t shed any light on this mess of a season though. I just continue to wet myself with worry about where we are heading.
All I have heard, all season, is an endless diatribe from the Happy Clapping brigade, telling me:
- In July: Forget our crap pre-season form, it counts for nothing. We’ll be fine once we kick-off for real, you just watch.
- In August: Our young and hungry side are better than 2003, you just watch us go when we settle down. Oh, Keogh is actually the new Wayne Rooney don’t you know? There are three worse teams than us.
- In October: Kightly is coming back now, and once the window comes round in January, we can do a Stoke and bring in that bit of quality we need. Remember, there are three worse teams than us.
- Early January: Once this window closes, we’ll have Hunt and a decent striker on board. All we need is someone to give Doyle a hand, trust in the 3’M’s. Oh, and remember there are three worse teams than us
- February 7: Oh come on lads, we played well. We’re only 3 points off 14th. We should thank our lucky stars we are solvent. We might be second bottom, but remember, there are three worse teams than us.
Maybe I should have been born on the 4th of July instead of 24 hours later, because throughout this whole period I have been piddling my boxers uncontrollably like Tom Cruise.
Maybe I should have been born with a big fat penis on my receding hairline, as I must be a nob-head to believe this guff.
Sorry folks, I just don’t buy it. What am I going to be told next month? That we’ll bounce back up when we do go down?
We were hideously underprepared in July, under-spent in August and January, and under-strength on the pitch as a result.
I’d like nothing more than to be a happy clapper, complete with sunny disposition as my Bovril over-floweth, but I just can’t do it. Believe me I have tried.
I’ll continue to wallow in the warm stuff and hope to God I’m pissing in the wind come May as we stay in the Premier League. I doubt it though.
Good post Ben.
I think you capture the mood of a growing number of fans (albeit without the pissing).
It makes me think of two questions, which I’d be interested to hear people’s thoughts on:
1. What ‘exactly’ is a happy clapper? I know what it means in essence, but is it someone who sees some positives in most situations or only positives in every situation?
2. What is the opposite of a happy clapper i.e. someone who only sees the negative?
P.s. I’ve added this feature now so you can reply directly to someone’s comment. Just click ‘Reply’ at the bottom of their comment.
Let me know what you all think of this feature. I can get rid if people don’t like.
Cheers
These terms originated on the Teamtalk pages. Happy Clapper or Fantasy Island Bunch at one end of the spectrum and Realists or Boo Boys at the other. They seem to have then been taken on by the morons on 606. Primarily because so many Teamtalkers have flounced off only to resurface over there, yet taking the lingo with them.
Good stuff Kwolf.
I had no idea those terms had such specific origins.
I really don’t like pigeon-holing fans into specific groups.
I think all football fans are passionate about their club and they just have different ways of reacting to certain things.
ahhhhh…don’t forget the ones still harking on about there being 3 teams worse than us in the League, and that we have nothing to worry about
hmmmmmm
Ben, I think you will be passing much more water before this season is over and most likely by Easter it could well be added to by something else!
Wolves supporters are finding it difficult to see where the next points are going to come from – except that is the ‘happy-clappers’ who believe we will be safe by the way – for we cannot beat the teams around us and we certainly cannot beat the top teams, that leaves us staring into the heavens hoping someone up there will give us a helping hand.
IF that helping hand had arrived in January, the 3M’s would have done some serious business in the transfer window but as always we went looking for a bargain or 2 and remarkably found them in Belgium of all places!
Good old Jez Moxey sat himself outside the KC Stadium in Hull for a month waiting for Steve Hunt to come out and tell him ‘ I’m signing for you guys’, unfortunately he never came out – Jez was heartbroken!
While Jez was in Hull, McCarthy was on the phone to Adam Johnson and to ‘our’ Robbie. Johnson though had the money glitter in his eyes – and who could blame him – and said ‘no thanks’ I’m signing for Man. City whilst Robbie thought Glasgow was a far better city than Wolverhampton to play football in!
The Wolves fans during this time were all excited at the prospect of new players coming in but in the end it all came to nothing, only 2 lads from Belgium and the same squad we have had since August, oh well, it could have been worse!
Still all is not lost, big Mick says so and we must believe him, after all he is an honest, straight talking man and he did get us up last season and as champions too, well done that man!
What a pity then that everything has gone topsy-turvy and we are now sitting 2nd from bottom of the Premier League with only destitute Portsmouth between us and the fizzypop.
Steve Morgan has now taken refuge in one of Redrow’s newly built houses wondering what to do next. ‘Should I sack McCarthy now, let him continue until the end of the season and then sack him or should I let him continue, no matter what happens? – What a dilemma?’ – ‘Oh bugger I’ll let him carry on, I can’t be bothered interviewing another manager!’
Anyway tomorrow it’s the Spurs and a win-double could be on the cards plus a move up the PL table to boot. What will be the outcome of that one? – well we have not won at home for ages, not scored a home goal for ages – so it must be a home win then! – Am I a ‘happy-clapper’? Not on your life but that’s how they will see it!
The ‘happy-clappers’ continually troll out their verbal diarrhoea, ever the optimists believing everything will turn out right in the end. Even relegation will be classed as a success for they will then utter ‘we could be in debt you know and go out of existence altogether’ – realism has a lot to answer for!
As for the Spurs game, I’m going for an away win and yes I can it hear it now ‘Get behind the team you ….’ but how is that possible with the many clangers being dropped by McCarthy and his tactics, team selection and defensive ideas?
They are achieving nothing this season and in the end will get nothing – except that is relegation, which now seems to be a real possibility and after playing United, Arsenal and Chelsea will surely be confirmed – regardless of McCarthy’s optimism!
Still, as no doubt the ‘happy-clapper’s’ will tell us – there’s always next season! – That’s the biggest problem, there always is!
You sum up my feelings too, except for one minor detail;- there aint gonna be a ‘next season’ for me!
After 53 years I’m sorry to say that I wont be renewing my season ticket if its for another wildernss spell in the Fizzy Pop league.
And its nothing to do with MM weird selections/tactics or the players wearing the shirt. I’ve sat through worse shit than this over the years but I WILL NOT PUT ANOTHER PENNY INTO THAT LOATHSOME FAT SLIMEBALL MOXEYS POCKET!
When he goes, I’ll return – whatever league we’re in but unless Morgan restores some integrity into the C.E.O. role I’m out of here.
Totally understand where you are coming from Scooped.
After our first season in the Prem I didn’t go to a game for almost two years. My attitude was why should I spend my hard earned cash when the club are not willing to put their hand in their pocket to sign the players to stay up.
I was determined to just enjoy the experience this time round but I feel like history has just repeated itself! (and we had better players then!)
Ben, you have been pissing in your pants since the day you were born…..I know coz I was there!!!
We are gonna win tomorrow. By the law of averages if I keep saying this one day I will be right.
3 – 1, with Crouch sent off, and the new Belgian scoring 2.
Dazza, as you are 18 hours in front of me, will you e mail me at midnight tonight and let me know the result, coz you will see it before any of us!!!
I think the ‘our Robbie’ myth has been blown out of the water once and for all – he must have cost his parents a fortune in replica shirts given the number of clubs he ‘supported as a boy’. Liverpool and now Celtic (and basically a big two fingers up to the Wolves) – the lure of the mickey mouse Scotish league was just to great to come back and help out the club that launched his career in the first place.
No more than you would expect – I still remember him kissing the Coventry badge when he scored his first goal for them. A great player for us but given the number of clubs he has had since he is undoubtedly a mercenary just like the rest of them. (I’ll put my tin hat on ready for the abuse from all the sentimental happy clappers out there!)
Still at least we replaced him with £3.5million donkey ade akinbiyi and forgot to add in a sell on clause into the contract! Well done the Wolves management team – as inept then as you are now!
…and then replace Ade with Taylor…and him with Roussel…and him with Iversen…and him with Kyle…and for now…a brand new Austrian donkey. Maierhofferr. Who is gonna be our next donkey-boy next year in championship???
Too true – the Hof looks like Bambi on ice! Total waste of money!
Forgot all about Roussel – easilly done. Lets add Steve Claridge to that list too – never forgave him for keeping Bully and Kean on the bench against Arsenal in the FA cup semi at Villa. We are the only team he has played for and never scored a goal! Magic – roll your socks up nob head!
What about Dougie Freedman he didn’t even make the bench and had scored in every round. That flat footed b-stard Claridge said he wasn’t match fit after the Arsenal semi-final. Then he goes and trips over his boots laces for Millwall a fews years later to cheat a penalty when we were trying to hold of the Tesco CB’s to gain promotion.
Mr Mgoo makes Mick McCarthy look lie the “Chosen One”
I also think it is just as easy to view all this through rose tinted glasses as it is to jump on the negative bandwagon. having attended almost all home games this season i have seen little to inspire.
I went into the season looking forward to seeing the wolves team I had the most affection for in years (young, hungry players rather than overrated, overpaid has beens and never-weres). Truth is the gap between promotion from CCC and survival in this league is just massive. Players like SEB and Kites that I was excited about seeing in the Prem are just not good enough and add to that a lack of investment in the team and the money wasted on tatt like Hof, Halford et al!
We are one of the worst three teams in the league, only Burnley have worse players than us. We now play a stupid system (driven by the lack of securing a second striker) with six defenders – clinging onto the hope of a point here and there.
That said I’d take Adams jammy three points right now!
Sometimes life is shit but if we all decided that our life was shit and could never get better, then the suicide rate would be sky high. There’s nothing wrong with trying to see the positive in something no matter how deluded that is. The English have always had the propensity to moan – “I won the lottery last night, but it was only a million quid, why couldn’t it of been the 10 million quid prize, it’s bloody typical and just my bloody luck” moan moan moan.
I believe that negativity is infectious and the easy way out. It’s easy to jump on the bandwagon and throw mud at the club, but whats it actually achieving? If the supporters are all negative about their team, is there a chance that this can spread onto the pitch – of course there is!
For me, as much as this season is disappointing and frustrating, I’m right behind the team. None of us yet knows what our final outcome will be, it looks bleak I admit, but maybe just maybe in this unpredictable sport that we love, maybe we’ll finish 17 or above – and at that time all these negative comments will be forgotten.
In the summer the club needs to strengthen, not just the playing staff but the coaching staff as well, and if that means that MM and TC have to move on then so be it – but lets leave it until the summer.
I wish I had an ‘applause’ icon to insert here.
I also think it is just as easy to view all this through rose tinted glasses as it is to jump on the negative bandwagon. having attended almost all home games this season i have seen little to inspire.
I went into the season looking forward to seeing the wolves team I had the most affection for in years (young, hungry players rather than overrated, overpaid has beens and never-weres). Truth is the gap between promotion from CCC and survival in this league is just massive. Players like SEB and Kites that I was excited about seeing in the Prem are just not good enough and add to that a lack of investment in the team and the money wasted on tatt like Hof, Halford et al!
We are one of the worst three teams in the league, only Burnley have worse players than us. We now play a stupid system (driven by the lack of securing a second striker) with six defenders – clinging onto the hope of a point here and there.
That said I’d take Adams jammy three points right now!
pretty obvious, i know, but all about team selection and attitude tomorrow.
if we go out there with 5 centre backs/ and or 5 midfield players, we know we’re f….d. the top teams can be beaten . bear it in mind for the upcoming games. For Wolves now, the PL is like life itself. youre only here once, so go out and make the most of it.
I agree with some of the more positive comments above. Sometimes its really difficult because we all have complaints about the way things have been done, but there is a real danger of Wolves fans not living in the moment right now.. its a massive game tomorrow and 3 jammy points would probably take us out the relegation zone once again.
I’m as ready as anyone for the autopsy of this season but we need to do our best to delay it until May.
I really dont understand what you and Rich are on about.
All of us fans hav been superb at getting behind the team every match day and I dont see that changing.
Should Thomas close this blog dow until May?? Should debate here (and in pubs and clubs) be censored??
Why do you insult those of us who wish to question matters Molineux by inferring that its not appropriate or in the teams interests to do so here and now??
MOXEY OU!!!!!
Fair point.
I’m certainly not saying we shouldn’t criticise the team though.
And yes we can obviously discuss whatever we want!
I’m just surprised there’s more talk of how people will never go to a game again until moxey has gone, than there is talk about the premier league match tomorrow.
it sounds like its you who has fast-forwarded to may already not me.
If you’re referring to me wanting Moxey out, yes I have. Why wait til May to get rid of that fat parasite?
And just who said that no decisions or debate should take place before May anyway?
Whoever it was, I disagree!
Moxey out! NOW!!!!
Sorry Rich – I meant Jed!
The Happy Clappers and The Boo Boys are never going to agree, it’s what makes blogs like this interesting. Where would the fun be if we all had the same opinion. I don’t think you could have 1 without the other.
Personally I’m a bit of a Happy Clapper but I still get pissed off and want to tear my season ticket up. I’m just the sort of person who likes looking through rose tinted glasses. Don’t think that makes me any better or worse than a Boo Boy though, just different.
Jed – Glad to see you’re getting back to your old self. At the start of the season you were the happiest of Happy Clappers but your patience has been seriously tested these last few months.
Thanks Nick! – this season has tried the patience of us all, and people are quite right to be annoyed, however if you call a person an idiot enough times he’ll eventually believe he’s an idiot. Therefore it stands to reason that if enough of our own supporters keep telling our team that they are sh*t, they’ll eventually believe it, is that what we want? A team with no belief? For them to have belief we need to have belief – difficult in the current circumstances but not impossible.
For me being with one person who sees the positive is a million times better than being with a dozen who are negative.
And Scooped its not all about “Being behind the team on matchdays” it’s about being behind the team always. Other clubs piss themselves about our supporters. How many times have you heard “keep them quiet for 20 mins and the supporters will turn” – we do that, Wolves supporters, as passionate as we are, are notorious moaners – we moan about everything. The many wesites and blogs are testament to just how much we love to moan!
Why not just for a change look at the positive – we aren’t Pompey who may be soon out of business, we aren’t Leeds who survived by the skin of their teeth, WE ARE WOLVES and we are proud of our heritage and our team. We’re in the Premiership, the finest league in the world (apparently!) and things that happen in our club are completely out of our control, moaning isn’t going to change anything all it will do is increase the negativity throughout the whole club, in which case we may as well lay down and die right now!
Although I have to agree that Moxey can and should leave straight away!
Sorry Jed but have you actually been to any matches this sason? We’ve hardly set the world on fire at home this season but when did the fans ‘turn’? Never!
You should stop regurgitating the anti Wolves fans propaga peddled by the Tescs and please, dont tell me what it means to be a Wolves fan. You’re still shittng yellow!!
Glad to hear its ok to call for Moxeys head though – which is ll I’ve ever done!
@ Scooped – personal attacks are normally delivered by persons who a) have no confidence in the opinion they are failing to get over or b) a too dumb to come up with a counter argument.
I love the “I’ve been a season ticket holder since before the club was even founded’ mentality – congratulations Scooped for your 53 year record. For me its only been 33 years – does that make you more correct than me or vice versa? Does anybody really care?
As it happens I’ve seen every minute the Wolves have played both home and away this season – have you or is WV1 as far as your aged legs can carry you these days?
I have the greatest respect for everyone’s opinions on this blog. I do not say my opinion is right, it is what it is – my opinion. It’s different than yours – you choose the route of misery, I prefer to look in a different direction – again who’s right and who’s wrong?
So ease up on the personal attacks fella, and if I can’t tell you something then please refrain from telling me something!
Maybe youre right Jed – “personal attacks are normally delivered by persons who a) have no confidence in the opinion they are failing to get over or b) a too dumb to come up with a counter argument.”
Aged legs indeed! Still run rings round you on a Sunday morning I bet
Fancy a beer before the match 2mrw? On me?
Very generous of you fella, next time I’m back in England I’ll hold you to that! You see I’m fortunate that I gave my season ticket up in 2006 when I moved to Canada. Good old Setanta sports televise every premiership game, which is why I get to see all the games. In some ways its even more important to me that Wolves stay up, as being in the Premiership is the only way of saving me having to subscribe to Wolves Player. The thought of fizzy Pop football aired thru Beacon Radio is enough to make me as miserable as Dazza from Brisbane!
Each comment seems to get narrower and narrower, i wonder how many we have to post before we get it to one letter per line?
I cant believe you get to see every game on the TV – what a great service.
We have to f*ck about on the internet watching judder-vision of the away games.
From the money I’ve spent v/s the entertainment gained you are better in Canada than in the Molineux!
I think those of us who have supported The Wolves for over 50 years, home and a lot away, have earned the right to bitch, moan, gripe, complain, and any other adjective you like at any part of the organization.
If we didn’t care, we would all go and support United, or sandwell town or some other poxy club, or would just stop going and do other interesting stuff like knitting or watching grass grow.
When you have been Wolves for as long as us, when you have been chased ( and sometimes caught and been duffed up) around half the grounds in the country, missed hours and days off work, cried tears of joy and tears of frustration and even trained your American wife to automatically say West Brom when you yell out Fuck Off, you have earned that priveledge.
It is in our blood, and we will never not be Wolves fans, but being critical helps, and no matter what we say and discuss, we will never change our loyalty.
So, what am I?
A happy crapper or a moan a lot?
Or as Scooped and Ben will tell you, I just like the sound of my own writing!!!
KEEP THE FAITH AND SPREAD THE GOSPEL.
FOWB
So, you didn’t let anyone know your opinion when you were just 30 years young. I doubt it. I may not have been supporting Wolves as long as you but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything you say or care any less. My 18 year old sister is equally as passionate as my 68 year old dad.
We’re all as passionate as each other just in different ways. Maybe being younger means, as bad as they are sometimes, this is probably the best Wolves team I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching. Sorry for enjoying it.
Sop Clive does it make you feel better when you itch, moan, gripe, complain, and any other adjective you like at any part of the organization – or does it just increase the state of misery that surrounds you?
I am in a continual state of misery, so I don’t know any different feelings, like the alcoholic in a constant state of drunkeness, never being sober.
Actually, I blame all of my moaning and griping on me dad.
If he’d had the decency to move away from Wolverhampton before I was born, then I wouldn’t be in this predicament!!
Such is the life of a Wolves fan.
And, Nick, if this is the best Wolves team you have seen, I suggest you get a copy of the 1974 League Cup final, and see a good Wolves team from my era.
Have a nice evening, y’all, some of us have to go back to work!!
Quite a good selection of pro and anti Wolves comments on here, it all makes for an interesting blog when people voice their opinions no matter which viewpoint they may have.
Personally I think McCarthy did a good job from the beginning of his tenure at Molineux, particularly getting us up to the PL but since then, no doubt for a vast variety of reasons, things have not turned out the way Wolves fans would have liked and McCarthy has played a fairly big part in that.
No Wolves fan, ‘happy-clapper’ or ‘booboy’ really wants to see the team go down if they are honest with themselves but what really niggles is the way the club has once again let down the fans by the lack of serious on-field ambition.
Kevin Doyle was a glimpse of that ambition and if he had been followed by 2 or maybe 3 more players of a similar stature, all the bile being handed out would not exist. Instead we would all be applauding the club, McCarthy et al for doing what Wolves fans have been clammering for, sensible investment without going overboard, consolidation in the Premier League and putting this club back where we all believe it should be, a club to respect again and not just for our history!
Should we go down, fans will be wondering if we can return quickly or will we yet again be spending years and years financially supporting lesser clubs with our fantastic away support but ending up failing to gain promotion as seems usual?
IF going down does happen BUT we managed a quick return, what would be the outcome? Another PL season of under investment, players of sub-standard ability being brought in again and whatever else you want to throw into the mix?
Let’s hope WE can save our PL skins and stay up but IF we do, in the Summer we MUST make dramatic changes to how we operate, to bring in the right type of players and importantly pay those players the right level of salaries.
Should we fail on any or all of those things then we will never return to those glory days of the past and will just ‘exist’ – would that be good enough for a Wolves fan?
Great post Steve!
You sum up precisely my angst about the club. Its because I’m so proud of the Wolves and all the Hall Of Famers (plus a few more) who made it great that I find the curent dumming down of standads so hard to take.
Conrary to one or to earlier insinuatios, I’ve never claimed that my long years of support make my views any more relevant than anyone elses. Neither have I ever slagged off the manager or those wearing the shirt.
My support is not just limited to actually attending matches and 100% getting behind the team but is more an overwhelming obsssion that is reflected in every facet of my life.
So when I’m encouraged to accept without question the Moxey Thought Police spin, I’m afraid my blood boils over.
His latest run-n (Warnock) is yet another in a line including Colin Lee, Dave Jones, Paul Butler, Bob Hall and Glenn Hoddle who have had their version of events branded as “untrue” by the Fat Controller.
Well, in each case, I know who I belive!
One thing is undeniable – during his reign at Molineux the club has largely stagnated while he has become a millionaire, with OUR money.
He’s the cancer and if Morgan has any real ambition to restore the once glorious reputation of our club he needs to root Moxey out NOW!