I’m feeling pretty good about myself at the moment.

Why?

Because I can see into the future.

Unfortunately though, my premonitions are exclusively limited to predicting the endless diatribe that will roll out of Molineux in the week preceding a big game.

Mick: Always an entertaining soundbite

You know what I’m talking about. So-called news stories with headlines like:

Henry: ‘We’ll Survive’
Ebanks-Blake: ‘More Goals Needed’
Kevin Foley: ‘Happy to fill in’

Thanks for stating the flippin’ obvious lads!

It’s verbal garbage, but we all gladly consume it because we’re that desperate for even the smallest nugget of information about the goings-on at our beloved club.

Let’s cut to the chase, interviewing any footballer about an upcoming game is a waste of everyone’s time. Very few have anything remotely insightful to say and even those with the smallest shred of personality have it drilled deep into their skulls what they can and can’t say.

So I definitely empathise with journalists because getting anything out of these cyborgs is an almost impossible task, hence the soundbite headlines and the mundane stories, padded out with information we’ve read twenty times before.

We should count ourselves lucky though.

At least Wolves have a manager whose not afraid to open his mouth and actually tell the world what he’s thinking. I imagine it will be a sad day at the Express & Star when Mick McCarthy finally vacates his post, as the Yorkshireman nearly always delivers a dynamite headline.

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the playing staff. I’m trying desperately to recall anything a Wolves player has said recently that has shocked, surprised or even interested me in the slightest.

The only way I see the situation improving is if someone actually starts asking the questions we as fans actually want to know the answers to. Here’s a few off the top of my head:

Karl Henry, I understand the importance of your role in the Wolves side, but do you think you’re sometimes guilty of slowing down attacks at crucial times by dwelling on the ball or passing backwards unnecessarily?

Kevin Foley, you were player of the season last year at right-back. Does it frustrate you that you haven’t been able to showcase your talents in what is obviously your best position?

George Elokobi, you spend every single day of your life playing football. Why can you not kick a ball straight?

The last one was a bit tongue-in-cheek (although I’d love to know the answer) but you get my point. More direct questions, would perhaps garner more interesting responses.

The chances of this actually happening?

Slim.

And don’t forget, I can see the future.

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So picture the scene…

…It’s Sunday May 9th and we’re 1-1 with Sunderland. Transistor radios crackle, iPods dazzle and Molineux holds its breath in the hazy Spring sunshine.

But then, as our Impossible Dream cards begin to look weathered and limp, you’re nudged in the love handle by the bloke next to you. Gerrard’s scored for Liverpool against Hull. Cue a cacophony of ecstasy, trepidation, skepticism and joy which begins to wash over the stands like a tidal wave. Just 8 minutes of injury time to shit our way through and we’re safe.

Does purely surviving constitute success?

Ward slices one out for a corner, 28,000 whistles pierce through your ear drums, as Hahnemann fumbles, then catches. Molineux roars like the Maracana.

You can’t hear the referee blow his whistle, but you can see his pedantic arm gestures as the ball is booted skywards.

We’re safe! Some fans spill onto the pitch and Molineux’s PA system goes into overdrive with a pre-planned, well rehearsed medley of music. You applaud the players’ obligatory lap of honour and get poked in the eye by a flag waving pensioner who really should know better.

So how do you feel? Elated? Frantically thumbing your mobile to tell the wife you’ll be at the Clarendon for the foreseeable future? Maybe the boss will need a ring in the morning as you think of your excuse over a Carling. Or three or four!

Personally, I’d just feel a sense of mingled relief and frustration. Relief at witnessing our very own Great Escape, and frustration that we’d have made an unmitigated mess of a season that should never have got to that point.

I’d have clapped off the players, even waved my own flag as Sam Sparro piped up, before shuffling back to my car with my head down. I’d listen to WM, get home, draw the curtains and bury myself under the duvet, thanking God that it was all over.

We’d have stayed up, 17th place, done exactly what was said on the tin, so mission accomplished, yes?

Well it’s a no from me I’m afraid. And before I’m labeled a grumpy old git forever, let me elaborate.

Were it not for the consistent failings of three other clubs, our inexorable return to the Championship would have been confirmed long before the Mackems had rocked up.

In essence, we’d be celebrating the failings of others, rather than the achievements of our own.

A bit like me and my ‘A’ level results. Two ‘D’ grades and an ‘E’, and a dismal performance which deserved a kick up the arse from anyone who knew me.

What it didn’t need was me waving my certificates in the air like a lottery winner because three of my mates did worse than me, or the fact I scraped into University because UCAS took pity on me.

I failed. Just like Wolves would have failed. Failed to score enough goals, win enough games, sign enough quality or finish halfway up the table like Steve Morgan demanded we did back in September.

Did the Great British Winter Olympic team celebrate because Estonia and Kazakhstan came home with one silver each, compared to our gold?

I keep harping back to that Hall of Fame evening, when success actually meant something, where our old heroes wore smiles as shiny as their medals.

Today, we’ll all celebrate a fourth bottom finish in stands bearing the names of Billy Wright, Stan Cullis and Steve Bull.

Sunday May 9^th would be the day that football eats itself. Either that or it will be the day we go down.

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Another good performance, but another defeat and another game without a goal.

Yet Mick McCarthy stubbornly persists with the notion that ‘if we play as well as that in every game, we’ll be fine’.

I’m inclined to disagree.

Scholes stayed cool to slot home the winner

We can definitely perform admirably for ninety minutes in every match, create the better chances, fail to take any of them, concede silly goals at the other end and still go down.

In fact, I’d say it’s an all too familiar tale of woe for many teams that have previously sampled the bitter taste of relegation.

Don’t get me wrong, I was impressed with almost everything about this gutsy display from Wolves. Every single player showed a firm commitment to literally turn the table on it’s head and send the visitors back up north with their tales planted firmly between their legs.

Yet at the crucial moments, our plucky team once again failed at the most crucial component of any football match. Scoring a goal.

On at least three occasions, I was just waiting to see the net bulge from what looked more like foregone conclusions than good chances.

Sam Vokes in particular should be having nightmares about that guilt-edged miss in the dying seconds, with Edwin van der Sar’s goal so completely at his mercy. Any shot on target would surely have resulted in a priceless equaliser, so it quite literally felt like a dagger to the heart seeing the ball disappear into the night sky.

It was a shame because our endeavours merited a point at the very least.

Kevin Doyle was one player who once again didn’t deserve to be on the losing side. In the first half particularly, he ran United ragged and looked as good as anything they had to offer, which is saying something given the multi-million pounds worth of talent in red shirts. It was just a shame he couldn’t cap a fine performance with a goal, dragging his best chance wide after cleverly working the space for himself.

Our midfield three were quite simply superb.

Henry harried and hassled throughout and was much more proactive with his approach in possession, using the ball far better.

David Jones was much the same and excellent in getting forward to support Doyle.

But the star of the show for me was Guedioura. I was disappointed with his offering at Bolton, but this was a timely return to form. He powered into tackles, emerging with the ball almost everytime, passed intelligently and surged forward when the opportunity presented himself. I just wonder how far he might have gone, had Vidic not chopped him down following one particularly impressive display of dribbling.

At the back, Berra was much improved, but Ward continued to struggle at times against the impressive Valencia. In saying that, he was always going to have his work cut out, so it wasn’t surpising that the tricky winger jinked his way passed our make-do left-back on a handful of occasions.

Craddock performed almost flawlessly but his one error in judgment cost us dearly; Paul Scholes showing ruthless composure to sidestep the desperate tackles and slide home the winner. How we long for someone to show such ice-cool predatory instincts.

Zubar was easily our best defender on the night. Cancelling out Nani completely, rising highest to head numerous balls away from danger and even getting forward when he could, most notably in the build-up to that horror miss from Vokes. He looked gutted at full-time and it’s hardly surprising after such a swashbuckling display went unrewarded.

Like so many others, he deserved better.

But it’s now onwards and upwards to Turf Moor for easily the biggest game of the season to date, where we quite simply have to take the chances we create.

Winning would be season-defining.

Losing is unthinkable.

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Who will ever forget the last Premiership meeting between these two sides at Molineux?

Wes Brown’s slip. Kenny Miller’s goal.

Michael Oakes’s heroics.

Ronaldo’s crap haircut.

What a day.

How unfortunate that many aren’t using this match as an excuse to relive that glorious occasion, preferring instead to focus on the infamous night at Old Trafford back in December.

Wolves have already lost twice to United this season

Much like Michael Jackon’s death, you’ll always remember exactly where you were when you heard the news that Mick McCarthy had made ten changes to the Wolves side.

I doubt any of us will forget that match in a hurry and even if you wanted to, the media persist with ramming it down our throats.

Like me, you were probably a little vexed at the time but had no idea about the furor this would cause and the subsequent monotonous debate that would rage on, even to this very day. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of hearing about it and could throttle the Premier League for dragging it up again with that ridiculous non-fine.

This time around, I’ll settle for the strongest eleven Wolves can muster, giving their all to try and get a result, much like the class of 2003.

But realistically, what are our chances of a repeat performance?

Well, we’ve performed admirably at home recently, taking four deserved points off Spurs and Liverpool, as well as giving Chelsea a run for their money. We’ll need to play just as well, if not better to get anything from the Champions. That means keeping our shape defensively for the entire game and giving their best players no time on the ball.

Easier said than done.

It goes without saying we’ll need another superhuman display from Kevin Doyle, which is perhaps the only thing you’d bet your house on getting. I think there’s a vulnerability in the United defence that could be exposed, particularly with Ferdinand still out and Vidic struggling for form. Or maybe I’m just clutching at straws?

I think Mick will be tempted to make one or two changes to the side for this one, but I hope he thinks better of it and sticks with:

Hahnemann

Zubar
Berra
Craddock
Ward

Foley
Henry
Jones
Guedioura
Jarvis

Doyle

I have a strong suspicion that he might look to bring Mancienne back into the side. If this does happen, I hope it’s as a replacement for Berra in the center of defence, rather than a swap for someone like Jones or Guedioura in the midfield. I think both of those players bring something to the side, so I’d be disappointed to see either left out.

Looking at the possible United team, I’d expect Sir Alex to rest at least one or two ahead of their Champions League showdown against Milan next Wednesday (Rule E20 anyone?). There’s also a few murmurs that Rooney and Valencia, arguably United’s two best players recently, are both carrying niggles and might not be risked.

Whatever side we face, it’s going to be an uphill struggle, but surely our chances of getting a result are significantly increased if one of the world’s best footballers isn’t in the opposition’s side.

Either way, I’m predicting defeat.

2-0 United.

It would be lovely to head to Burnley next weekend, on the back of a great result against the Champions, but unfortunately I think we’re going to come up short in attack once more. I hope I’m wrong.

If you’re going to the match, have a great time, try to enjoy the occasion and get right behind the lads.

Up The Wolves.

* Ben took part in a Podcast for Man Utd fansite RedCafe.net, chatting with them about this weekend’s match, the fine from the Premier League and the general goings-on at Wolves. If you want to hear what our beloved blogger had to say, you can listen to the Podcast by clicking here. It’s nearly an hour long, so if you want to fast forward to Ben’s part, it’s not long after the 40 minute mark.

* While Ben was taking part in the Podcast, I too was chatting with the opposition on the Republik of Mancunia Blog. Scott, the editor of the blog, had some interesting questions, so it’s definitely worth checking out. Read the full interview by clicking here.

* Oh, one more thing (and this is nothing more than a shameless plug for a mate’s site), but just in case you’re on the lookout for Mothers Day presents, DotComGiftShop.com really do have some great ideas. Trust me when I tell you women love the stuff they sell on this site!

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With the England friendly at Wembley tomorrow, it reminded me of the summer rumour that Slyvan might be getting an England call-up. Games like this one against Egypt, would have been an ideal chance for him to show what he can do at the very highest level and I just wonder whether he’ll be sitting at home, watching the match on the box and thinking what might have been.

As well all know, good old SEB has had trouble even proving his worth to Mick, let alone Fabio.

SEB - Struggling

After a stunning Championship season, in which his goals undoubtedly gained us promotion as champions, he has failed to make even the smallest dent on the Premiership.

His eye for goal, great work ethic and tasty first touch really looked the business in the Fizzy, but we haven’t seen even the smallest hint of this since entering the Greed League.

Disappointment is an understatement.

We all have a soft spot for the guy and we cheered his name and sang his praises practically every match last season. Even now when he makes a cameo appearance, there are still sections of the crowd that sing his name with the heart and gusto of times not long past. But if we’re being honest, with all personal feelings put to one side, SEB has been an utter flop this season.

It’s got to the stage where just getting on the field is an achievement.

I don’t think the guy has lost any ability and I don’t believe he’s incapable of performing at this level, but it just isn’t working for him this season. Why is that?

A lot has been made of his ‘extra baggage’ and although I’m not quite sure if this is true, he does seem to have lost that speed and anticipation that made Championship defenders quake in their boots when we were sniffing around their goal.

Injury has also blighted our beloved number 9 and he’s just never seemed sharp enough to take the opportunities when they came his way. Uncharacteristic horror misses have worryingly crept into his game too. That meek toe-poke against Wigan with the goal at his mercy will haunt my thoughts for many years to come.

The introduction of Kevin Doyle has also highlighted inadequacies in his game.

That boy runs all night, has a great eye for goal, beautiful touch and the ability to hold up the ball and bring players into the game. Essentially, he does everything SEB does and more. I salivated at the thought of seeing those two tearing up defences together, but now the Irishman seems more effective doing it on his own. Sad times indeed.

You could argue that SEB has been unlucky and had it not been for the width of a post and some great saves, he might well have had quite a few more to add to his meager tally of 1 (pen).

And despite all the disappointment so far this season, I’m not ready to give up on him  just yet.

I just don’t believe that the ability he so obviously possesses has disappeared. I really hope Mick keeps hold of him and tries to get his confidence up and back to playing like the days of old.

The Premiership has so far made him look like an old mare but mark my words, SEB isn’t ready to be put out to pasture just yet.

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